22nd July 1951
I always wondered what it really meant to be a ‘fallen woman’. Those girls you see in the flicks are seductresses, harlots and bad girls, am I like them?
I don’t’ feel particularly bad. I feel excited and exciting! I feel like the whole world is at my feet and I can do anything if I really wished it. I feel so full of, what’s the word? Joy! I haven’t felt like this for years.
When Frank kissed me I could have died. It felt so right and natural. No embarrassing pauses or awkward fidgeting. It all just happened, flowed perfectly. It’s like we were both dancers who knew exactly what moves came next without ever having practised a step.
Afterwards we just lay in each others arms and I never wanted the moment to end, I wished the afternoon would last forever and ever. We chatted in the most relaxed manner, both of us under the covers of Frank’s single bed, squashed up close and cosy in his rented room. I told him about my decision to work and explained about the job I’d seen. ‘It’s in Longton, so I’d have to commute but I be trained up and working with other girls who were interested in fashion.’
‘I never thought of you as a girl’s girl’ Frank said. ‘Whatever do you mean?’ I giggled.
‘You’re more of a loner. I watched you growing up remember? You never got on with any of the other girls; you were always sniping about them and couldn’t stand not being the centre of attention if a boy came along’.
I was about to refute this but then it struck me he was probably right, Betty was the only friend who’d stuck by me but even she was gone now. I quickly changed the subject because it made me feel very lonely, even lying there next to Frank in our little cocoon.
‘The thing is I need to tell George’
‘What’s the problem? I thought you had him wrapped around your little finger. I even feel a little sorry for the old coot’ he laughed
‘Don’t call George names!’ I cried.
‘Why not? You can’t tell me you don’t use you’re feminine whiles to get what you want out of him’ he grinned.
‘George isn’t like that! And no I don’t!’ I said. ‘He very kind and sweet that’s all’
Well, the afternoon was on its way to being ruined after that. I wished I’d never brought the subject of George up, Frank was being so mean about him and I didn’t feel right thinking about my husband while I lay there in another mans bed. It felt quite horrid.
But we soon made up and Frank said I should go home as it was getting late. I didn’t want to leave but I knew I had to.
At home I made sure I gave George a big hug when he came through the front door. He was surprised to say the least, I suppose I was too. We’ve had a nice evening but I don’t think I’ll tell him about my job just yet. I’ll wait until everything is perfect; I just know it will be.
Posted by Gemma Parker at 05:22